Quiz: How is your relationship?
Does your partner…

• Embarrass you with bad names and put-downs?
• Look at you or act in ways that scare you?
• Control what you do, whom you see or talk to or where you go?
• Stop you from seeing or talking to friends or family?
• Take your money or Social Security, make you ask for money, or refuse to give you money?
• Make all the decisions?
• Keep you from getting medical help when you are sick or injured?
• Force you to have sex against your will?
• Tell you you’re a bad parent or threaten to take away or hurt your children?
• Act like the abuse is not a big deal, it’s your fault or even deny doing it?
• Destroy your property or threaten to kill your pets?
• Intimidate you with guns, knives or other weapons?
• Push, shove, slap, kick, strangle or hit you?
• Verbally attack or accuse you?
• Force you to drop charges?
• Threaten to commit suicide?
• Threaten to kill you?

* If you’ve answered yes to ANY of these questions, call the VIP Ministry at 214.523.2123, contact a local family violence prevention resource, or call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).

Helping a Friend

Sometimes a victim’s self-esteem is so damaged by the abuse that she thinks she can’t make it on her own. In many cases, a victim fears for her life. She may want her children to grow up with both parents or feel guilty believing that the abuse is her fault. Or, she may just want the violence to end, not the relationship. Whatever the reason, she needs your support and you can help her by doing the following:

• Listen without judging. She may feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid.
• Tell her that it is NOT her fault.
• Make sure she knows she is not alone.
• Explain that relationship abuse is a crime. She can seek protection from the police, courts and domestic violence programs and shelters.
• Encourage her to keep a log or diary of the abuse.
• Suggest she develop a safety plan for herself and her children.
• Think of ways you can help. If she decides to leave, she may need money, assistance finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings or help finding a safe home for her pets.
• Keep yourself safe.

What You Can Do to Help Protect Yourself and Your Children

1. Call 911 if you are in danger or need help.
2. If you are injured, go to a hospital, emergency room or doctor and report what happened to you. Ask that they take photos and document your visit in writing.
3. Know where you can go for help and tell someone what is happening to you. Have the phone numbers of friends, relatives and domestic violence programs with you.
4. Plan with your children to identify a safe place for them: a room with a lock or a neighbor’s house where they can go for help. Reassure them their job is to stay safe, not to protect you.
5. Arrange a signal with a trustworthy neighbor (for example, if the porch light is on during the day, call the police).
6. Keep any evidence of physical abuse (ripped clothes, photos of bruises and injuries, etc.).
7. Have a packed bag ready at a friend or relative’s house that includes money, a set of keys, copies of important documents, extra clothes and medicines.
8. Plan the safest time to get away.
9. Contact the VIP Ministry to find out about laws and other resources available to help you before you have to use them.